ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
