Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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