Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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