Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
