her vagine was all disorganized.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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