I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
