i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
