She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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