You smell like a Billy Joel song
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
