Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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