You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Green mimosas i think yes
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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