just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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