I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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