I want to have your abortion
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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