Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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