My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
