I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.