I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
and you fell through a lawn chair
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"