Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
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You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
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I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.