is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I am mentally ready for anal.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
