He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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