Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
