I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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