community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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