he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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