you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
