Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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