My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
