My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
