That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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