Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
