I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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