Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
