So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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