He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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