I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
