Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
