dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Randomize
