Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
