apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
organizing the empties. That sober.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
