I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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