i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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