The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
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I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
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And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
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