yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
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