I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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