dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
