she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
