I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
