Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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