Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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