I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
