worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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