You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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