Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Of course I have a pirate flag
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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