this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize