i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.