So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low