Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.