Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
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I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
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Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.