I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
