Please, let me fuck your mom
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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