you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
