if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Success! We fucked roommates!
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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