I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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