so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
