Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
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I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
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of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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