if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
