just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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