he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Let's paint friendship bongs
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
