She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize