she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
if only i could text you this smell
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
