This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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