oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
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I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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