No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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