tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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